Returning to You

Miss You now, more than ever before.. want You now, more than ever before… need You now, like ever before.. if only I had not let my vision get clouded by reasoning.. if only I had followed my heart.. I wouldn’t have lost my way to You..

I wait longingly.. I think I need to long more, before I see You..

I don’t know if I am evading You or You are evading me. All I know is that I have forgotten my way to You...

I cannot reach You, but You can.. because there is no place where You are not there.

I cannot find You, but You can… because you have the best view..

I cannot hear You, but You can.. because You are the primordial source of sound..

Forgive me, but I am afraid that I cannot even feel You, but You can.. because You are the all-pervading warmth, the only one who can remove the numbness in me..

Only You can, like none other...

I beg You, please reach me, find me, hear me, and engulf me in Your warmth, so that I can finally come back to You, as I did before I existed or never ceased to exist..

730 days ago...

This day two years back, he agreed to make her his; he agreed to breathe along with her every moment. Even today she relives some of those moments, when the good news was greeted with a mixed bag of emotions. It was almost as if a universe of tears had broken one of their walls and decided to drain out everything that morning.

It was his birthday the day before. His mother had given him the ultimatum on giving his verdict. She said you cannot hold people up as you wished. After much thought and deliberation, he finally nodded in the affirmative. His mother called her parents and told them that the matter could be taken ahead. As drums rolled in their minds, a different tune played when she heard from them. All heavens broke loose. Yes, but seemed like all hell broke loose! Her vulnerable mind had endured a lot by then. She couldn’t believe what she had heard. She had given up on thoughts of partnership. She cried and cried uncontrollably. Finally all the tough face and strong demeanor gave in. She couldn’t console herself to stop. Thankfully her parents understood and let her pour herself out, albeit both were on opposite ends of the phone line, some miles away.

But that morning and eventually in the day, she came to terms to believing that – that was the reality, though it took her several hours to let the truth knock her down in bundles of happiness to feel light and on cloud nine.. to fly like a relieved spirit.. she was finally going to be someone’s best friend.. or so she was hoping back then. Atleast she saw a potential prospect. She had seen a lot of bad times to think of anything worse. So in a sense, she was prepared to face it. Or maybe she had become numb! But that was then….

Calvin and Hobbes (sourced from the Internet)

Today…now, it is the present – a gift from the heavens! He keeps her happy and makes her smile and laugh. Yes, he does get on her nerves at times, but isn’t that life! Today, she is happy for the news that came 730 days back. Today, she is happy to be living the reality, where most of her fears have been put to rest. Thank you Lord Almighty, for the wonderful grace that You have bestowed on me! When I hear of all kinds in the world, I feel doubly blessed! Please let it be like this forever and let it get better with every passing day.. until my last breath! Many many thanks!

Calvin and Hobbes (sourced from the Internet)

Such is life!

Sometimes you wonder if people dont remember or they just dont care... such is the world!
So long as you are in front of them, they remember you.. once you are away, you are off their mind...
That's when reality strikes like a lightning.. all that was an illusion... all there is too is.. n probably all that will be!

Maybe, initially you feel bad but forgive, then you feel hurt, then you become detached, then you become indifferent.. and then you finally say, 'I wont give it an FF' :)

Its interesting how life turns..
Times spent by that left beautiful memories to live with have now just remained as dry leaves... once green n soft, now brown n crisp. 

Maybe you have your center anchored to one person now.. So maybe its time for you to shift the focus to that one, completely for that one, and towards that one! Thank the Lord for the one! Ofcourse there are a few more who fall second in line.. and you know you owe it to them...

Be grateful and say 'Oh Lord!! Please grant me courage to accept all that I must, of all that was and is around me'.

The current leaves are fresh, green, soothing... Nurture it to remain so.. 'Coz this is all that matters!! and hopefully that will ever be!!

Such is life!! It moves on! Change is the only constant... accept it!

The letter

She penned her thoughts.. she wanted to post the letter.. she wrote:

“It is now that I feel like I know you more… few words in the virtual space and none in the real.. probably that is why I still feel immensely connected… I don’t know if it is a stairway to heaven or hell.. but I felt like I was in a jungle or some desolate island.. or a world in sepia tones.. some kind of nothingness yet being complete.. living a movie of few words set in some far-away location.. I wish I could show you what I saw.. it was less claustrophobic, more filled with humanness and being… with silence that fills up and conveys more than words can ever try! I was really.. really living in the present.. the present called imagination… fed with images constructed in your mind.. what does that make me or you? You a puppet and me the string? Neither is the creator and yet both are!”

God in Dog?

We all live each day. Sometimes if we open ourselves to our surroundings, we bump into small incident that open big questions in the mind. Yesterday offered me one such sight.

Disclaimer: This post mentions a place of worship – a temple. The temple is just an example and offers a premise. The symbol of divinity extends to all places of worship such as a temple, a mosque, a church, or whichever such physical space that might otherwise be parallel to orthodoxy.

source: http://www.bradfitzpatrick.com/weblog/1410/funny-god-cartoon-by-dan-piraros-bizarro/

I was driving back home and just as I was crossing a temple on the right (or left? ;)) side of the road, I saw a dog resting on the roof of the temple. This badgered a series of questions in my head, most of which for me myself were rhetorical.

If there was some ‘human being’ in place of the dog, would he (no gender bias intended, just sparing myself of repetitive oblique’s - '/') have been allowed to remain there? Would he be asked how dare he thought of allowing his feet – that may have tread along dirty muddy paths, probably over some loo, or something ‘grosser’ that that – to touch the divine crown? Would that have made the temple impure? Would they suggest that the temple needs consecration? Would they beat up the guy for having dared to do such an act? Would he have been ostracized from his community and society for behaving this way? Would he have been handed over to some moral police?

If the answer to the above questions is Yes, then why should the dog be exempted?

Do you think the dog has lesser intelligence than today’s man? Leading a dog’s life? Are they sparing the dog, just because they think it is an animal without the power of discretion? But isn't that how we should also be in all matters? Carefree and uninhibited? No, don’t get me wrong! I don’t mean all that at the cost of disrespect to the others! Even dogs respect rules of their species. OK, yet again, don’t get me wrong! I am not provoking you but only a thought process in you, just as this incident affected me!

To me, God is everywhere and in everything. I don’t understand the difference between spelling that higher force as GOD or DOG! I don’t understand God (or whatever name you wish to give the Force) as a Being restricted in idols and pictures. I do understand that forms and pictures help focus. I do understand the sentiments of those who believe in them. But we need to also understand that they are only symbolic.

My experiences with the Force have taught me that the Force has been my best friend, with whom I can fight and laugh. I have had my own personal relationship with God, where prayer is talking to the Force, feeling the love, giving love and warmth, smiling, helping people around, looking at ‘small’ things and finding God in them. Grace flows in abundance, if you just thought of looking around. Darkness is not the opposite of light, rather it is the 'absence' of light!

We all go through moments of confusion and incidents that make us wonder how futile our lives are. There are some more incidents in the recent past that have triggered some thought processes in me; those writings will sometime see the light of day.

source: Calvin and Hobbes by Bill Watterson

The above incident of the dog reiterated to me the simplicity of being innocent. It reiterated to me that if you really don’t know what you have done is ‘wrong’ out of innocence, you need to be given another chance. It reiterated to me that indeed the force is omnipresent and omnipotent and doesn't need a place of worship to feel connected. It can happen anytime, anywhere! Such experiences just make the internal faith and connection stronger! After all, isn't God just that one inside of you.. why? Verily you yourself!!

Of what use is religion, if it doesn't teach you to be human. Of what use is it, if it doesn’t make you a better human being, and practice and preach peace. Why do most people mix up religion, spirituality, faith, and rituals? Religion may be a means to spirituality, but spirituality is a vast canvas. You may chant mantras (sacred chants) and perform rituals and worship, but of what use is all that, if you are not able to recognize the divinity in you and all around you?

Here are beautiful words that I came across in SDI that perfectly sum up and capture, "You are Me and I am You :)"

“O Man that runs...To temples…mosques... And churches

To touch the Feet of God..

But forgets.. To turn toward.. And touch.. The golden heart within

Run not here and there

For God is there.. Where you are ready.. To see Him…”

High time we did this, right? Recognize who you really are? 

Small Things Bring Joy

I was sitting for some quiet moment in SKH, which is so full of pigeons. I was facing the queues marching towards the ornate marble edifice. Diagonally behind me to my left, was a pink arch divided by the magnificent white exit gates.

A momma pigeon had found a nice corner above the gate arch with a comfortable side wall to make a cushioned abode for the ones presently resting inside her. “Precarious spot!” I thought to myself; but I obviously did not have as much of a clear view as her.

image source: http://www.shutterstock.com

Perched atop, she panned her neck to see what could make the spot a home. Any and every string/twig-like object that was more than 3 cms long was targeted. I wondered “What sharp eyes!” The pigeon would fly down, pick it up, and fly back to the corner. And the most amazing part – this was an activity that went on through the day. Was she over-exercising her wings to make her kids’ home? But her love and anticipation was such.

A lil story in that story: They use nylon strings in SKH to demarcate the boundaries. When the crowd reduces to just a hundred or less, they wind the strings and wrap the bunch up. This momma pigeon saw the string, came flying down, and tried her best to pull the string out. She managed a few inches from the loose end. She tried to drag it. It was heavy for her. Yet she dint give up. In fact she managed to pull out close to a foot of the string out of the ‘wrap’. She kept trying until she felt convinced and then realized it was too long and heavy for her to carry.

Another lil story in that story that gave me a glimpse of BEING in the NOW: I had a pretty white rose that I wanted to offer. The stem had a couple of slender branches with leaves. I wanted to help this momma pigeon. I also wanted to see how fearless she was. So I cut a branch and left it on the floor, a short distance away. I waited eagerly to see if she noticed this branch. A few minutes passed but no sign of her coming this side, let alone of pecking at the branch. I wondered if the branch wasn’t clearly visible on the black floor. But she proved me wrong. After about 10 minutes, she glided down, skated on the smooth floor while she landed, and within a second flew back with the rose branch. She gifted me a smile from deep within. I wanted more. I plucked the only other branch remaining and left it a shorter distance away, maybe 2-3 tiles away. Again I waited in hope. I kept turning around to the top of the arch. Probably the woman sitting behind me might have wondered what I was up to. Finally a few minutes later, my lil inspiration came down gliding again, this time close to me. She held the branch in her little beak and flew back. I had a bigger smile this time. And since I was reading excerpts from the Power of Now, I was deeply touched by this experience, because while I was part of this small episode, I was completely present in just that!  I had absolutely no other thought and I was completely one with my surroundings. Bliss!

Small things bring joy but joy is not a small thing!

She

Why did she put aside her ego and self-respect for that one person? Why is it so difficult to let go, while that should be the easiest thing to do. As a great master said, holding something is like a burden; the thing being held has a weight… instead try dropping it, you will be weight-free. She wished it was as easy as saying those words.

Evasive butterfly… she dint want to cut its wings for she knew how beautiful those wings are.

The more she knows, the more she gets entangled, and then the more it hurts her! She feels his pain, if only he knew it! She hates it that he should have gone through all that he did, even if she only had glimpses; but it pains her that he did. But the way to recovery is in one’s hands – only that person can help themselves! When one knows that something is a problem, knowing that it is a problem is the first step to redemption! And if she is offering a hand, if she is willing to reach out to him, how can he not know that? How can he not recognize that she does not want to take anything from him. Everyone has been doing that to him, but there is that one who is not looking to take anything from him, but only give him in abundance. Has his brain become so fuzzy and his sight so veiled by the ill-meaning of others that he cannot even sense that she wishes only good for him?

What he thought would never work, would have worked if he peeped in deeper. She doesn't know why she is persevering on reaching out and stuck on her thoughts so much. She can’t even open talk to anyone. She dislikes this noise. She dislikes that she is feeling all this when he doesn't even bother to know!

How hard surfaced has his heart and perception become?! She only keeps wishing that it is all after all a bad dream.