Monday 27 August 2012

the white

i came... my eyes hovered around... they traced all those paths that you walked and traversed... every glance up and it almost seemed reflexive... i wanted to see you.. my mind said dont search.. its not worth it.. but the scene had already got internalized.. i tried to avoid all those paths, in response to my mind.. yet my heart kept prompting my eyes for a glance of that smile.. of those eyes that were once transfixed on the Duty with Love... of that heart which had drowned in tears at the ultimate loss.. yes, i felt your pain.. but its just that you dint know..
vrooommm.. went a motorbike past me... i turned around only to look at the floor of the pristine environs again... i kept wondering why i kept searching despite a clear n empty word.. like i said.. maybe i had internalized the scene too much to let go.. the pictures behind u.. the colors of the tree playing an umbrella to the temple top.. those vibrant colors.. they were all there... but yet i missed the white... i went past that building once.. just once.. to steal a glance.. but i was also scared of getting caught.. then i thought.. i dint see you in the first place ever this time... then why should i fear.. n why should i fear when i havent done anything wrong..
i then happened to go to a friend's place n there she told me that you had left.. i dint know how to react.. i wanted to ask her where had you been and why did you leave.. but what was the point? how would that help? but you see you were so integral to the place.. suddenly it all started making sense.. thats why i dint see u.. i dont know if you were preoccupied... but i dont think you are so attached to your thoughts either.. especially after all that we wrote.. me in words n you in void..
u have now gone far.. ofcourse long back beyond exchanges but now beyond sight too.. you never bothered to reply.. but you never bothered anyways! all the same you did bother.. me in my thoughts...
i walked back aimlessly.. back into the pristine environs.. this time trying to accept that you werent around.. n that you really had left.. n for once, i hopelessly walked past the lanes n beautiful pathways n those buildings.. this time fearlessly.. knowing that we wont exchange glances.. they all seemed different.. probably a little lifeless? i tried to be indifferent.. but then you see you were internalized!

but slowly.. slowly the memory will fade.. just hoping that you are happy always... wherever you have gone... maybe we will meet someday.. our paths might cross... or maybe they wont.. but.. the memory will fade slowly.. slowly the eyes will close forever.. slowly n slowly n slowly...

1 comment:

  1. Someone has gone beyond exchanges and beyond sight. But it's okay! This someone is probably not worth your attention. Keep your eyes open, wide open, for you never know when and how your *most* intimate might 're-surface'! :-)

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