Returning to You

Miss You now, more than ever before.. want You now, more than ever before… need You now, like ever before.. if only I had not let my vision get clouded by reasoning.. if only I had followed my heart.. I wouldn’t have lost my way to You..

I wait longingly.. I think I need to long more, before I see You..

I don’t know if I am evading You or You are evading me. All I know is that I have forgotten my way to You...

I cannot reach You, but You can.. because there is no place where You are not there.

I cannot find You, but You can… because you have the best view..

I cannot hear You, but You can.. because You are the primordial source of sound..

Forgive me, but I am afraid that I cannot even feel You, but You can.. because You are the all-pervading warmth, the only one who can remove the numbness in me..

Only You can, like none other...

I beg You, please reach me, find me, hear me, and engulf me in Your warmth, so that I can finally come back to You, as I did before I existed or never ceased to exist..

Such is life!

Sometimes you wonder if people dont remember or they just dont care... such is the world!
So long as you are in front of them, they remember you.. once you are away, you are off their mind...
That's when reality strikes like a lightning.. all that was an illusion... all there is too is.. n probably all that will be!

Maybe, initially you feel bad but forgive, then you feel hurt, then you become detached, then you become indifferent.. and then you finally say, 'I wont give it an FF' :)

Its interesting how life turns..
Times spent by that left beautiful memories to live with have now just remained as dry leaves... once green n soft, now brown n crisp. 

Maybe you have your center anchored to one person now.. So maybe its time for you to shift the focus to that one, completely for that one, and towards that one! Thank the Lord for the one! Ofcourse there are a few more who fall second in line.. and you know you owe it to them...

Be grateful and say 'Oh Lord!! Please grant me courage to accept all that I must, of all that was and is around me'.

The current leaves are fresh, green, soothing... Nurture it to remain so.. 'Coz this is all that matters!! and hopefully that will ever be!!

Such is life!! It moves on! Change is the only constant... accept it!

Small Things Bring Joy

I was sitting for some quiet moment in SKH, which is so full of pigeons. I was facing the queues marching towards the ornate marble edifice. Diagonally behind me to my left, was a pink arch divided by the magnificent white exit gates.

A momma pigeon had found a nice corner above the gate arch with a comfortable side wall to make a cushioned abode for the ones presently resting inside her. “Precarious spot!” I thought to myself; but I obviously did not have as much of a clear view as her.

image source: http://www.shutterstock.com

Perched atop, she panned her neck to see what could make the spot a home. Any and every string/twig-like object that was more than 3 cms long was targeted. I wondered “What sharp eyes!” The pigeon would fly down, pick it up, and fly back to the corner. And the most amazing part – this was an activity that went on through the day. Was she over-exercising her wings to make her kids’ home? But her love and anticipation was such.

A lil story in that story: They use nylon strings in SKH to demarcate the boundaries. When the crowd reduces to just a hundred or less, they wind the strings and wrap the bunch up. This momma pigeon saw the string, came flying down, and tried her best to pull the string out. She managed a few inches from the loose end. She tried to drag it. It was heavy for her. Yet she dint give up. In fact she managed to pull out close to a foot of the string out of the ‘wrap’. She kept trying until she felt convinced and then realized it was too long and heavy for her to carry.

Another lil story in that story that gave me a glimpse of BEING in the NOW: I had a pretty white rose that I wanted to offer. The stem had a couple of slender branches with leaves. I wanted to help this momma pigeon. I also wanted to see how fearless she was. So I cut a branch and left it on the floor, a short distance away. I waited eagerly to see if she noticed this branch. A few minutes passed but no sign of her coming this side, let alone of pecking at the branch. I wondered if the branch wasn’t clearly visible on the black floor. But she proved me wrong. After about 10 minutes, she glided down, skated on the smooth floor while she landed, and within a second flew back with the rose branch. She gifted me a smile from deep within. I wanted more. I plucked the only other branch remaining and left it a shorter distance away, maybe 2-3 tiles away. Again I waited in hope. I kept turning around to the top of the arch. Probably the woman sitting behind me might have wondered what I was up to. Finally a few minutes later, my lil inspiration came down gliding again, this time close to me. She held the branch in her little beak and flew back. I had a bigger smile this time. And since I was reading excerpts from the Power of Now, I was deeply touched by this experience, because while I was part of this small episode, I was completely present in just that!  I had absolutely no other thought and I was completely one with my surroundings. Bliss!

Small things bring joy but joy is not a small thing!

She

Why did she put aside her ego and self-respect for that one person? Why is it so difficult to let go, while that should be the easiest thing to do. As a great master said, holding something is like a burden; the thing being held has a weight… instead try dropping it, you will be weight-free. She wished it was as easy as saying those words.

Evasive butterfly… she dint want to cut its wings for she knew how beautiful those wings are.

The more she knows, the more she gets entangled, and then the more it hurts her! She feels his pain, if only he knew it! She hates it that he should have gone through all that he did, even if she only had glimpses; but it pains her that he did. But the way to recovery is in one’s hands – only that person can help themselves! When one knows that something is a problem, knowing that it is a problem is the first step to redemption! And if she is offering a hand, if she is willing to reach out to him, how can he not know that? How can he not recognize that she does not want to take anything from him. Everyone has been doing that to him, but there is that one who is not looking to take anything from him, but only give him in abundance. Has his brain become so fuzzy and his sight so veiled by the ill-meaning of others that he cannot even sense that she wishes only good for him?

What he thought would never work, would have worked if he peeped in deeper. She doesn't know why she is persevering on reaching out and stuck on her thoughts so much. She can’t even open talk to anyone. She dislikes this noise. She dislikes that she is feeling all this when he doesn't even bother to know!

How hard surfaced has his heart and perception become?! She only keeps wishing that it is all after all a bad dream.

gifting?

Buy baby diapers n blah blah.. 51% off! Ok. So?

Sometimes these ads that come on your emails, baffle you. Really, what do they have in their mind when they send you these mails? No, I don’t want my baby to use a diaper.. I am traditional, I believe in using old soft cotton cloth. Common, tell me, now what do you want to do?

Woah woah! U say.. haha.. no, I don’t know no kids of my own! ;)

I am just plainly amused by what I see 'n' what I get :D

But, with the number of baby births and the number of friends about to deliver, I wonder if such offers would come in handy. It is confusing to buy gifts for two kinds of people: guys and babies :P yeah right!! :D

After a point, I fall short of ideas of what to gift a guy friend on his birthday or wedding anniversary or whatever! Ok, Watch – he has more than one! Perfume – what if he doesn’t like the smell! Belt – he already has one! N plus, I don’t know his waist size! Blah! Shirt – I just gifted him one last year! Pen – how many really use the pen these days! Book – ditto as the perfume, maybe the smell included :D Gift voucher – oh! That would tell him my budget too! N so on n so forth!

Similarly, for babies.. new born – buy a rug.. ok, they have many.. buy toys – which probably parents would admire more than the kids.. buy some baby soap n powder n all.. ok…what else? Sweater – what if the quality is not up to the mark n the kid is sensitive! Clothes – ok.. not bad, but the kid would out-grow it in no time.. n so on n so forth.. :)

N then when I saw this diaper ad – I was wondering how many of my friends would be okay if I got them diapers for their babies.. would that be a good ‘gift’? Common, it is as useful as you can think!

So, mommies to be.. or mommies already… let me know.. tell me if that would make your life a lil easier :) else suggest something… will you! Puhleeezz!!

Love you mommies.. n love you lil bundles! :)